dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
