I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
