You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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