I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
