Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
