i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We left the knife in your bed.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
