How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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