I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
