ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
