I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
