My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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