I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize