ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
