Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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