I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
