What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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