It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
