I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
