There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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