Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she looked like the before picture.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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