U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
