I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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