piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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