Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
