it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize