So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
