I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
