I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You ruined the universe
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
