The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
