i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
