Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
