do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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