Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
