I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
