apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
