giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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