so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so let's talk penis.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
