She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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