I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
