I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
