A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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