i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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