I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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