Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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