if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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