Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
