we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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