i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I need a beard to bite.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
