You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
