he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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