What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
