We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
