All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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