just come out here and I will go home with you...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
