WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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