piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize