i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
