My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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