I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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