I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
