a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
