Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
