You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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